Why I changed my last name & What you should remember if you won’t be!

Welcome to 2020! That means it’s #ladieschoice! Kids vs. no kids. Stay at home mom vs. working mom. Taking your husband’s last name or not. Getting married at all! It’s up to you, and I salute your choices no matter what.

But let’s even the playing field for a moment. I’ll assume you’re reading my blog because you’re either a client of mine, a prospective client or just wife-to-be looking for insight into all aspects of marriage. One of those aspects might include deciding whether or not you’ll change your last name. Here are some of my thoughts on the topic!

My Experience with Taking My Husband’s Last Name

When my husband and I got married, several couples, both family and friends, were either recently married or getting married. The topic of taking your husband’s last name was frequently brought up amongst the bride’s to be, even more often than being asked if you’re having children!

Recently, my husband and I threw a house warming dinner party to celebrate our 1st year wedding anniversary. We invited our married friends and family. Once again, the topic of changing last names was brought up.

I personally decided on taking my husband’s last name, but my best friend and my cousin both decided not to.

My friend’s husband didn’t particularly mind. On the other hand, my cousin’s husband was vocal about trying to convince his wife to change her name, and why he was put off by the fact she hadn’t. I realized then this may be a common dilemma amongst couples. If not handled properly, someone’s feelings could wind up hurt, for multiple reasons.

My Perspective on Taking My Husband’s Last Name

The truth is, when I first decided on taking my husband’s last name, he didn’t care either way. Some ladies might feel liberated by a partner who is nonchalant on this topic. I felt slightly hurt he didn’t see the specialness of my choice. After the discussion that evening, I quickly changed my mind, grateful my hubby would have honoured my decision no matter which side of the choice I made. This became a pivotal moment in our married life!

So, why did I choose to take my husband’s last name? I personally liked the idea of changing my name, stepping into a new identity. A metamorphosis of my life with him and my way of claiming his family as my own. 

My Advice on Taking Your Husband’s Last Name {or Not}

I am not an expert on relationships, but from one wifey to another – I’d like to share the following thought-starters if you are contemplating taking your husband’s last name – Or are contemplating how to tell him you won’t be taking his last name. 

1. First and foremost, give your decision a lot of thought. Ask yourself why you feel strongly about your choice. Do you feel like you’ll ever change your mind? If you choose to have kids, will their birth(s) adjust your views eventually? Once you feel good about your answers and confirmed in your choice: Own it!
2. Ask him if he cares. If he doesn’t, there is no use making a big deal of it either way. Don’t do what I did, and get offended. Thank him for being progressive! Feel liberated you are making a choice all on your own, without pressure {at least from him}. 
3. Now, if taking his last name is important to him, explain your choice, but do it with a sensitive heart. As cliche as it sounds, communication really is key! Since it means a lot to him for you to take his name, see if there is a compromise you can agree on together. If there isn’t, then reiterate why it’s not what you want. Reassure him it’s not because you don’t love him so he doesn’t feel doubtful or insecure.
4. MOST IMPORTANTLY – Remember, whether you take husband’s last name or not (or in some cases, he takes yours!) you are marrying because you love each other. You’re best friends. Your family will become his, and his family will become yours once you tie the knot. Cherish your engagement and don’t let anything divide you!

What do You Think?

I hope the points I make helps ease any kind of anxiety you may have about this very important conversation! Leave a comment below and as a community of women, let’s talk about how we can be better and stronger together no matter what choices we make!

If you’re interested in learning more about being a #nóblbride you can check out this blog post or visit us on Instagram!

“Taking Your Husband’s Last Name”, Kirsten Rezek, “Nóbl Essentials”, Copyright ©2020, Nóbl Events, Nóbl Journal